What is Survivor’s Guilt?
Survivor’s guilt is a complex fusion of guilt and responsibility affecting people who survive traumatic events involving the death of others. Whether the traumatic event results in one fatality or hundreds of deaths, it can leave survivors feeling overwhelming guilt and a deep sense of responsibility for surviving.
People dealing with survivor’s guilt obsess over what they could have done to prevent the tragedy, why others died when they didn’t and if they could have done anything to save lives. While survivor’s guilt is a normal response to trauma, it can lead to post-traumatic stress disorder, major depression and other mental health issues if left unresolved.
Substitution Guilt
Substitution guilt is the feeling that someone else took the survivor’s place or paid the price instead. Holocaust survivor and author of Night Elie Wiesel once wrote, “I live, therefore I am guilty. I am here because a friend, an acquaintance, an unknown person died in my place.” Another Holocaust survivor, Primo Levi, writes, “It is no more than a supposition or the shadow of a suspicion…that each one of us has taken his neighbor’s place as well as lived instead of him.”
Substitution guilt and survivor’s guilt share a core belief on the part of the survivor: Why have I lived/not suffered when others have died/suffered? In both cases, people struggle with the feeling that they don’t deserve to survive and are no more deserving of life than another person. They blame themselves for surviving by focusing on a past they can’t change. This focus prevents them from developing emotional healing and healthy coping skills necessary for trauma recovery.
Common Triggers and Emotional Symptoms
Comparable to those with PTSD, people affected by survivor’s guilt can have feelings of self-condemnation that’s worsened when triggered by:
- The upcoming anniversary of the traumatic event
- Seeing or reading about news reports of the event or similar events
- Sounds, smells or sights that remind the person of the event
- Having disturbing dreams about the event
Emotional symptoms of survivor’s guilt, such as intrusive memories of the trauma, are characteristic of PTSD. Intrusive memories refer to those that are so vivid and realistic that the person feels they’re reliving the original event. They can be spontaneous or triggered by something that reminds the person of the trauma. Moreover, intrusive memories are difficult to forget, constantly resurfacing hours or days after being triggered.
Other symptoms of survivor’s guilt include:
- Avoiding anything that may remind them of the event. For example, a person who survived an airplane crash that killed many people refuses to go near an airport, watch movies or news involving planes or talk about airplane-related topics.
- Feeling hypervigilant and fearful when there’s no reason to be frightened. Hypervigilance commonly affects war veterans with PTSD who may interpret the sound of a police siren is incoming enemy fire. Survivors of 9/11 have described being hypervigilant about seeing airplanes flying above them years after the traumatic event. Thinking all airplanes were going to crash into buildings, they suffered panic attacks and anxiety severe enough to be hospitalized.
Healthy Ways to Cope and Heal
Psychologists suggest that trauma recovery begins with understanding why you’re dealing with survivor’s guilt. Objectively explore facts about why you couldn’t have done anything different to prevent a person’s death. Take the time to consider that the event was uncontrollable and not the result of anything you did or said.
Ask yourself who you think is to blame for the event. Sometimes there’s no one to blame; other times, it could be another entity’s fault. But remember — it’s never your fault.
Practice self-care and self-forgiveness. Don’t let feelings of guilt and responsibility stop you from completing the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
Talk to trusted family members and friends about your thoughts and feelings. People who care about you genuinely want to help when you’re distressed and consumed by survivor’s guilt.
Logotherapy
Developed by Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl, logotherapy focuses on identifying what gives meaning and purpose to someone’s life. Logotherapy counselors guide people toward resolving survivor’s guilt by exploring personal responsibility, finding satisfaction in personal relationships and learning how they may contribute to society’s greater good.
When to Seek Professional Support
When profound guilt, intrusive memories, PTSD and hypervigilance make it incredibly difficult to function in daily life, consider reaching out for professional help. You don’t have to deal with the emotional trauma of surviving a life-and-death event alone. Call the National Rehab Hotline today at (866) 210-1303 to find help.